Man, It's sad to think of who I used to be that while calling myself a Christian and claiming to love God I would mock His Word I would mock videos such as these and call His holy people "fanatics" as a derogatory term as if being a fanatic of Christ was bad or reason for mockery. What saddens me the most & truly hurts the most is that now I'm on the other side of this criticism and not just the fact that the people I love the most see me in the same "light" as the world does (as I used to, too) it hurts because I see it in their faces, I hear it in their tone (and of course I don't want the people I love to see me as a joke) but like them and the rest of the world especially those people I crossed words with or even crossed with a distant glance I do love them all and I wanna know that I will see them in eternity. My past criticism would've said that Christians are blowing this event or lifestyle"out of proportion" by nit picking everything, such as what Beyonce/JZ say and over analyzing their choices, but now I know the difference and the power of our words. Words have ONLY - I mean {only} - 2 purposes good or evil / praises or condemnation / blessings or cursings. So, now knowing this I know that nothing righteous came out of their mouths and it IS definitely something to be concerned and prayed about. This video isn't trying to condemn anyone nor be patronizing its simply trying to educate and convict people in order for true repentance and change. Repentance comes first so no need to worry about changing first and then "repenting" because it's the other way around.
Ever since I truly became a Christian I always have this nagging voice telling me how much better my "old" life was and how nothing ever faced me nor did anything hurt. So, a piece of this video reminded me of that of how I can't understand how I felt invincible before and how I was always independent and in control and never even cared of being in the "in crowd" because I didn't even want to be part of it, it was me and ONLY me (funny how I never saw myself as selfish)! So, while watching this video and remembering that nagging voice of the enemy I then had 'chills' just run through my body because I was reminded that my old ways no longer live in me, just as God intend/ed for us all, to have His Spirit within us. And, though I don't understand why I feel the way I do or why a love like His can live in me can cause me so much pain, especially knowing that the pain comes from those who hurt His heart and not my old stony heart is what drives me nuts so many times. I have these unspoken discussions with God about how can He really love and care for me if I KEEP SCREWING UP, I'm thinking "yes, yes, I know that love is unconditional, but shouldn't there be a severe punishment for my constant disobedience. Oh, God! Yes, I know Jesus already paid the price, but is that a reason for treating Him with contempt? Is that really what Grace means? God I'm so divided between these two thoughts: Grace without contempt or disobedience without a price/repercussions? Where is the in between? Do I wait until I'm on my death bed to truly repent in order to have no chance of feeling guilty of taking advantage of Grace trough Christ to use it as my Licence to be contemptuous towards Your Son's defeat over all sin?" Idk, maybe I'm like a "donkey" and I'm gonna be stubborn 'til God hits me with the truth (such as this video).
So, I'll worry about today and confess I've sinned and I repent and am seeking to continue allowing His Spirit to do His work in me regardless of all the purging He has to do from everything that is evil and bad in me, which ironically the purging of those things hurt just as much as the evil itself, but I know the out come will be perfect! "Funny" how humans can be content in a crappy life vs. a righteous one just because the crappy one is the one they've always known. Masochist?... yes, I think so.
Well, getting back to how it hurts being on this side of the harsh criticism and before never caring to be in the "in crowd" or even being a "leader" of one. Now, its the opposite I am in the "in crowd" (which isn't the crowd most people think is an "in crowd" but it is certainly the best one EVER! I still don't wanna be so much a "leader" as much as just the example and path to the one true Leader. I'm simply a follower, His follower! I want to continue feeling the comfort and hope where regardless of the pain of experiencing the hurt by "brotherly" love or by those who may find my many posts "preachy," tedious, and feel the desire to just end communication with me, I know I do it because I care. Also, because I'm not going to be selfish by keeping a "secret" or have reason for shame or fear of being shunned by keeping the GOOD I mean VERRRRRRY GOOD news about God's love for us (Rom. 1:16). So, while I remain breathing and His Spirit in me I will not stop being "preachy" YES, I am a FANATIC! Deal with it. Yes, I am Crazy, Crazy for God, but certainly NOT delusional! "Great" woooh I get to be persecuted for my faith woop tididoo. But, I will remain comforted that my rewards will be greater in heaven than this earth could ever offer or "conjure!" In heaven I wont need to worry about the pain people or loved ones can cause each other because regardless if they're there with me or not, my heart will know no sorrow nor pain! We all have a choice and I've made mine. Mine is eternity. What is yours?... that's up to you! Take it or reject it!
(END of Sermon, "lol")
Awesome testimony
ReplyDeleteThank you. :)
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